a helpful hint....

I was off to get an MRI today which just adds worry even though you are hoping it is nothing. So yes I was stressed out but that is all part of having tests done now. I went off to the MRI this morning entourage following (yes I consider MC and Genevieve my entourage). I was seated in the room by the nice staff and handed the stack of paperwork.  It always cracks me up when I have to fill out the paper work for these tests, really you don't have this on file?? Why do you need all this info AGAIN!!!!?? We chuckled at the "have you ever been hit by a bullet or any other metal object?" Come on I am not a gang banger....any more (JOKE it's a JOKE). You can not have metal in these MRI machines because they use magnetics. Thank god I dodged that bullet in 1995, phew. WAIT, I have expanders in that have magnetic pieces and there is the question line 46 "Do you have tissue expanders in".  SHIT SHIT and a little more SHIT. First, great job to the doctor who ordered that she should have known this. Second, now what?? Well, I could wait until after the swap in late November. UMMMMMM, I do not do waiting well. I did what I always do I made calls to people in high places. The doctor that referred me kept using the term "only taking calls that are 911 relevant" when I called WTF does that mean, don't you think I am 911 important cause I AM DAMN IT!
Well, I hopped on my phone and called my favorite most loving OB/GYN office  because I know they think of me as 911. They called the referring doctor and started the fire which I then stoked. When I called back I not only had to rehash what the nurse just told her but she said they did not know I had expanders in, seriously about to blow at this point. I was dealing with dumb asses.She had to call me back!! After what felt like an hour later I called her back, she put me on hold and said she would call me back again. I am being nice because I was cussing like never before (props to my entourage for keeping me calm) and I am giving you the extremely short version. AHHHH my phone rings "Yes, Mary Ann?" WHO THE HELLLLL IS MARY ANN???!!! "No" I say ever so politely while I bang my head on the wall "My name is ANN MARIE". DO these fools have the right person? Who's chart are they looking at?? I was off to a CT scan now. UGGHHHHHH. SO after almost 3 hours of waiting, phone calls, and being ever so fucking polite the scan took 3 minutes! Good times here good times.
Results say my brain is still in there, phew I think my friends and family were starting to wonder. Nerve damage, who needs nerves?? I will have na MRI after the implants go in, something to look forward to. All of this proves one major thing...those forms we have to fill out all the time NEED to be filled out. Next stop, neurologist. I needed to add another friggin doc to my resume. What a stupid dumb breast cancer day??? Who is stopping over with the stupid dumb Patron?

Think Pink

http://www.syracusewomanmag.com/swm/

A little drop of pink does the attitude good! What a great way to kick of Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Thanks To Syracuse Woman's Maghttp://www.syracusewomanmag.com/swm/  for making their October pink!!!

Lots happening today LOTS.........

Here is your chance to be active, really active. The CNY Race for the Cure site is up and running. Sign up and join my crazy ass pink powered team. I will make this year the year that everyone is talking about "CURE OR BUST". Between the parties, fund raisers and Jello-O shots there is no stopping us. I am so sick (like literally cause I feel like crap today) of stupid dumb breast cancer. Who else is fed up?! Stop bitching and do something, I couldn't be making it any easier....
Race is up too, so go get em!!
http://centralnewyork.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/SYR_CentralNewYorkAffiliate?team_id=234025&pg=team&fr_id=2850

Scaredy Cat

Scaredy cat

When you find that lump your heart stops. I mean the real lump not "oh I think I have a lump" no that's just your boob dumb ass. I felt that lump and knew instantly all those other "lumps" weren't jack. Of course, the black discharge clued me in that something was for sure not normal. Anyone that knew of the lump diagnosed me, I never had so many "doctors" tell me what was wrong. Clogged duct was the top choice. UMMMM any ANY time you have black shit coming out of ANYWHERE in your body it is NOT good. Unless you are a newborn  that black meconium needs out but they are the only one. A million thoughts went through my mind during the weeks leading to the lumpectomy. Who is going to cook for my family was number one. But mainly.... Fear, sadness, thoughts of death, chemo, radiation all that enters your head in literally a split second and you feel it in the pit of your stomach. She thought she got it all and that was that.

Then pathology came back "positive" for cancer, positive is bad here but sometimes doctors say positive and its good, WTF make up your mind! The feeling was numbing, I was walking around but had no clue what I was doing. I went by myself because my doc really thought it was papilloma, she wasn't worried. I was however. Before she could even tell me I said "I have cancer".  She felt horrible I wa alone, I didn't even think like that. Plus, Nikki called me while I was in the car slamming the steering wheel, she was in shock. MC followed me after class and we pulled into Kohl's parking lot where as she read the path report (only she understood all that crazy talk) and she still didn't believe it.  My dad was watching Julian and I had to tell him, I am pretty sure he freaked when he left. I told him "Do not start crying. If I am not crying you can NOT", he actually listened to me!! Then I called Tom....it was surreal for us both. Called Rachel she was in shock, actually kept saying "are you sure?" LOL. My brother got on the phone with his oncologist friend and harassed him until he called me at 9:30pm on a Sunday. He then proceeded to come over every morning by 7am, I thought shit if I get really sick he will move in. Lori was well we all know there were water works!! Alissa thought I was lying, cause that is sooooo funny, idiot:). Jess sent me a text "you got this no biggie", which made me smile during the chaos of the day. Tracy immediately tried to find a way that apple cider vinegar could cure it. Rosie misunderstood until Megan told her. See the trickling affect stupid dumb breast cancer has and how it made all these people feel!!!

Meanwhile, I was mildly freaking and honestly scared not really for me because I researched these doctors and knew they would take care of me. But for them!! I mean I am the life of the party, the party planner, the party cook, the party thrower, the party fashion consultant and these are important to life. No really I was scared. I had just had my uterus fixed up and I was not really digging another surgery, but there was no other option. I have to say from here on in it was a blur. I remember the parties, the friends, getting extra work outs in, but I also have no memory of that time. I remember the night before surgery my Sammy boy sobbing how scared he was and knowing he needed us to be strong. He wanted me to say "I will be fine" but fuck it was major surgery I had no idea and I was not going to lie to him. Megan took good care of them in the morning and Al was there for support after soccer. Being able to Skype on my Ipad (cancer perk!!) helped us all. Ben even Facetimed me from a friend;s house that night, I am sure Patti did not expect to see me that night.

In the hospital I was still cracking jokes, offending hospital staff and barking orders. But I was so fucking nervous, the crazy thing is honestly I did not feel that then. I know I felt that because Tom and I just went through the pictures for the slide show and I saw how scared I was.The emotions came flooding back for the both of us. Through the pictures I not only saw my fear but my dad, G-Deb, my brother, friends and my husband which tonight made me cry. Right there in the pictures I can see the fear in my eyes. I was scared they were going to find more, that the nodes weren't clean, that they were going to eat something good while I was in surgery, that my doctors had been out the night before and didn't get enough sleep....that I wasn't going to wake up. I knew this was going through my head but you know all those people I mentioned well them and this whole other group that were bombing my phone were sending me all this strength, love, prayers (yes I think that energy is good), and healthy vibes. Their support helped me push out, not down, those fears and bring forth this crazy ass courage!! Stupid dumb breast cancer was not going to last here. The pictures right after the surgery I do not even remember, praise the drugs glorious drugs! Those pictures are my favorite because then I start to see relief.

I can not believe they MADE me take my shoes off!

I really hope you all come to the event at Pascale's "My Journey Through the Lumps", these pictures are truly incredible. The pictures are simply amazing I would love to show them all now but then you wouldn't come! They will make you laugh, cry, cringe, and  they are eye-opening. You will see a side to breast cancer that will make you understand why this journey is so hard on women. Why women have a hard time accepting this is going to happen to their body. These picture I hope will make you get a mammo or encourage a friend to get one. They I hope will empower you to be active and FIGHT stupid dumb breast cancer before or because it hits close to home.  I want women to be a little more comfortable while they are fighting, I want the to find the strength I did to survive and I want them to be proud of themselves because they kicked stupid dumb breast cancer's ass and still look amazing! The advance sale tickets will be on sale until October 15th or until we hit 500. I am still looking for sponsors, get you logo up on the support poster!! Do not piss me off look what I am doing to breast cancer cause it pissed me off. Plus I ain't no scaredy cat no more!!!!!!

Another fork stuck in the road

I wasn't going to blog about this because I wanted more facts. But I think everyone needs to see how stupid dumb breast cancer controls you. Your mind and how you think. Mainly your body and how it reacts to the estrogen in it. In the past 5 days I have had person after person say "Aren't you glad it is over?" "You are lucky it was only breast cancer" "Now you can enjoy the holidays". So I need to vent.

It is NOT over. I have had a nodule on my thyroid for years that has been watched  (not very good but still watched). They have aspirated it a couple of times, this is code for sticking a huge friggin needle into my neck and pumping out liquid without numbing it, yes it sucks as bad as it sounds. It has always been fine and honestly I never thought twice about it. OK, maybe a quick thought entered of some crazy ass disease but then thoughts of dinner or True Blood took over, I have ADD a little. Now what was I talking about??? Oh right, so my uncle suggested I get blood work done for my thyroid, well that is never cut and dry so a sono was put into play. The results are in people and..... There are 5 more nodules in addition to my 1, it is probably nothing but guess what?? I have stupid dumb breast cancer so whenever there is shit like this you worry. Especially, when "we have to rule out cancer" (this is said in my Darth Vader voice, makes it funnier to me). Really it is probably nothing but the thought of another MRI makes me sick. Like I have stated  I do not enjoy laying still none the less not talking and now add that "BOOM BOOM BOOM" to it, UGH. The the dye crap they inject that makes my equilibrium off (ok more so than normal). If only it was Boom Boom POW of the Black Eyed Peas:) Off to the Thyroid Doctor today, let the question and answer and question games begin.

Lucky to have breast cancer??? Tell that to my 10 year old who sobbed the night before my mastectomy. Or to my husband who hated seeing me in pain. Better yet to my friend who had to have her expander taken out because it leaked, I am sure that she thinks she is so fucking lucky now. Or those people who have lost their life to stupid dumb breast cancer. It was not luck I got stupid dumb breast cancer, it was just what I got. I am not lucky that I got the "easy" cancer (cause my life has been sooooo NOT easy since May) it is just what cancer I got and I am dealing best I know how. Luck is not being played here, being healthy is. Every cancer is different for everyone, there is not luck in cancer.... it's fucking cancer people!!!

Enjoy the holidays, huh?? I get my implants in right before the holidays then meet with the GYN oncologist right after the holidays. Oh and I get another MRI, PET scan and blood drawn too for my 6 month check to come on say it with me "rule out cancer". Not enjoyable, BUT I will find a way to party do not worry. I am not saying that this is horrible rotten life and I will not get through this because I will, wearing heels and a smile.

You have to understand that cancer opens you up to so much that even going to the dentist is stressful, I am sure there is tooth cancer. It puts worry in your head and fright in your heart. I mean if something happens to me will Tom feed the children over the sink or will he use actual plates??? This is so far from over this is just my life now. It is not lucky or easy but doable especially if the 'cancer perks" keep rolling in. I am not stupid dumb breast cancer and it certainly is not me. It is just what is going on with my body and I fulling intend to .......

Hope you join me as I do just that. It is going to be a great show cause I have some serious back up!

Our sick twisted world

This is Jackie. I have talked about Jackie plenty of times, but for those that are just waking up or have short term memory loss, let me refresh the story. Jackie is this vibrant 16 year old girl that has had her teenage life altered because of stupid dumb bone cancer. She smart, funny, a great dresser, but is battling a painful form of cancer. I wish I could say that her love of nail polish and her fashionestta ways are what brought us together, but sadly, frigging cancer did. Like I have said, I have never met this chicka, yet I am so drawn to her and want to be like a big sister (I am way too young to be her mom, so no comments). We met via blogging and Twitter and our friendship grew. When they found Jackie's cancer, they at first thought it was a sports related injury, but ultimately she was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma in her left leg. She had surgery which I am sure wasn't painful at all. BLAHAHAHAHAAH it hurt like a bitch and left this girl with a big ass scar. She has received chemotherapy and lost all her hair (just what every 16 year old girl wants, right??! UGH). Jackie has scars in her arms from her IV's and has spent her summer in and out of the hospital. Her girlfirends and Jackie should have been checking out the boys at the mall and trying out new outfits! She was rushed to the hospital awhile ago because he fever spiked and she was so sick. It took the doctors some time to figure it out, but they did and she went to her home with her family. That is where every teenager should be NOT spending days in the hospital. But that stay was rough, it wasn't her regular hospital or doctors and the nurse was, well... let's just say not nice (Jackie used more colorful words but I's the adult here, HAHAAH).  Jackie got her last round of "Red Devil" wearing the "Attitude shoes to kick cancer's ass" I sent her. Doesn't she look like a cancer killer? Her life has been difficult since January to say the least, imagine what her parents are going through? Feeling helpless I am sure. I will not pretend to understand I only send them loving calm vibes.



SOOOOOO....you want that life??? Some person (now it could have been a 12 year old playing a game, a 67 year old grandma who was bored, 30 year old creeper looking at pics, or a 17 year old looking for attention...whoever this was, it is so twisted) they took ALL of Jackie's pictures and made an Instagram (all the cool kids have one check it out!) and called themselves "Avery Thomason". People commented with encouraging words, funny comments and smiling faces all trying to make stupid dumb "Avery" feel better. WTF!!!??? The whack even made life comments like "yes this nurse was a mean bitch", how the fuck do they know, you are NOT Jackie!! We live in a world where, for attention, we take this gorgeous 16 year old's hard, painful life that is now filling all her loved ones with worry and make it our own?! Isn't our own life enough to deal with?! Maybe you need to find a job! Better yet find a charity. We need a cure for friggin cancer here. There is so much more you could have done. It pissed Jackie off, made her friends irate, and made this full blooded Italian look to put the hurt on. BUT BUT BUT positive energy in, right?! SOOOO, I offered to help the psycho and buy them some shoes (I was so going to the Dollar store and getting flip flops!!!). They were removed but I think the damage and violation is done.
 Before you judge someone or wish you were them, look at bettering your own life. I am sure we all have room to grow or help. That life you are wanting so bad may seem all shinny on the outside but I bet inside there is more rust than you want. If you think your life sucks, the person next to you may suck even more. So be happy with YOU and your life and just LIVE!! Although, I am pretty fanfreakingtasticly sparkly with glitter sprinkled all over (I will, however, mess you up if you take my life, just saying).

LOGO!!!!

Big huge props going out to     Courtney Armbruster,LEED AP Senior Marketing Communication Specialist carmbruster@cscos.com   For the time she took to make the OFFICAL "Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer" Logo   And a Big HUG to my girl Joni Steigarwald for being the ring leader!! You both made my day. Women empowering women, is there anything better??     Tshirts will be on sale at Trapper's II October 2nd for $15. This is the only place to get them!!!

My first born

I was coming home from my friend’s camp; it was 5:30 in morning. I stepped out of my dad’s small black Plymouth car, its side orange with rust. The air was almost wet and gray clouds were forming above. As I started my way up the cement steps. I saw a large cardboard sign colored pink with the additions of pink ribbons scattered all over the sign, across it read welcome home!!! I rushed the next three steps and burst through the door, I kicked off my shoes and ran to the family room, and there she was sitting upright in a tall chair, her short frame seemed to fill it up. Her iPad resting on her lap, slowly I picked my head up and looked into her eyes; they hadn’t changed. And then a smile crept across her face, I wanted to run into her arms but knew I couldn’t. “Hi” I said, she replied “hey”. She followed my gaze to the basket next to her; it was over flowing with flowers, cards, stickers, and other breast cancer stuff like key chains and t- shirts. She was hooked up to four drains on her sides flowing with red liquid; I looked away. For the next few minutes we exchange words and she pulled up some pictures of her in the hospital. These pictures reassured me and scared me at the same time. About two minutes later, the thought came to my head: my mom was a survivor.

Ben

 

 

 

Oh yes it's Ladies Night....

Like I said, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. So what a better way to celebrate that then pizza, cocktails, shopping and breast health! Join me at Trapper's II in Minoa for a Ladies Night out. I will have tickets on sale for the Pascale's event, breast education info, and of course Cure or Bust team sign up info! This will be a fantastic way to kick off the month. So stop by for a drink and shop a little. Do not forget your ticket!!! Info below and Facebook link, too, so like their page and join us. Save a boob or two!!

 

Get your girls together and join us for a night of
Shopping, Drinks & fun at Trapper's II Pizza & Pub!

FREE door prize raffle with great prizes from our vendors!

***Drink and Food Specials throughout the night***
Details to come on promotions

Vendors:
Tastefully Simple
Scentsy Candles
Stella & Dot
Chris's Crafts
Thirty-One
Party Lite
Dazzle

....And MORE to Come!!

https://www.facebook.com/stupiddumbbreastcancer?ref=tn_tnmn#!/events/409504885773118/

PINKTOBER

October is breast cancer awareness month so get ready to be inundated with PINK. There is so much controversy regarding the pink crap (yes some of it is) that I have to discuss this. While I think it is ironically stupid to have a flat iron with pink ribbons, I mean come on if we are losing our hair to chemo who is this being geared towards????  So, I understand when people go off about this. I totally understand that perspective. But you know I am going to have a take on this. When my kids see a pink ribbon on someone they have always said "mommy look they support breast cancer". Now it is "mommy say hi to them they support breast cancer", which I do with a smile. I love my pink shit, all of it, especially my boa and tiara (ok the tiara isn't pink but I look so cute in it). I love it because I am proud to be a survivor now and show my support. It also gives me a chance to talk about breast cancer and early detection. I am actually doing something to help stop stupid dumb breast cancer. I will buy the chips because it makes my kids think for a second about how hard it has been, they will never forget. By them remembering, they may save their own life or remind a friend to get checked! My Zoe will wear her "fight like a girl" t shirt not just cause its cool, but in support of me and her future. I want my people to think about breast cancer so they can be proactive in stopping it. All this  stuff  keeps it in people's head- maybe that jar of pickels with a Race for the Cure ribbon will remind someone to make their mammo appoitment. Doesn't that make it worth it even a little???

My pink shit and I LOVE it

So, now my bitch part. The ones who wear the pink ribbon just to wear it. Do you think that using Gulf gas because it had a pink ribbon on it is the only way to help stop breast cancer? Some people think this is the only way they can help. I can literally give you a list of ways that will be more beneficial than buying those pink frigging golf balls (do not buy me those, I do not golf, lots of pink shoes out there!). There are so many really great organizations out there to support, so stop just buy shit and show your support with ACTIONS!!! Wear the pink ribbon because you are doing something to fight.
Which brings me to my last pink ribbon comment. October 1st I will be registering my team CURE OR BUST for CNY Race for the Cure. I will be doing it, no one else try because I will hurt you. Once it is up and running (at 12:07am) feel free to join, invite and get ready to celebrate. This team has always been friends and family getting together to celebrate life- the lives fighting, surviving and lost. Our celebration will be over the top and our team will be HHHHUUUUGGGGEEEEE. We will raise the most money. We will do this with all sorts of fund raising parties (yes people there will be jello shots, right Elana and Stephanie?)! You will all be there to see your leader who took 2 frigging boobs for the team, stand on that stage and cross as a survivor. But most of all..... we will wear PINK:)

Part of 2012 team

Support the fight agaisnt Stupid dumb breast cancer

Please join Genevieve Fridley Photography and me on October 21st from 4pm until 7pm as we display the real, uncensored version of stupid dumb breast cancer. The cost will be $10 advance sale tickets and $15 at the door. The show will be at Pascale's Restaurant in Fayetteville. Ticket sales will begin September 1st. Please contact me at amandtom@msn.com for ticket purchases. Tickets and donations can be paid via PayPal as well. The part of the proceeds will benefit the team CURE OR BUST at the 2013 Race for the Cure on May 18th. The other will go to Stand up to Cancer. https://www.standup2cancer.org/ I am so excited that we are using the money for research and education. Both of organizations are fabulous. Any and all donations are greatly appreciated. If we have donations for food we will have more money for these important organizations! Contact me if you would like to donate.
There will be a cash bar and light appetizers, so drink heavily and eat minimal. We are looking for any donations for food and print costs. Genevieve is donating some prints. These print will be used at various events. If you are willing to help with keeping costs down PLEASE contact me. Thanks so much to The Art Supply Store for donating some framed pictures for the event, so generous. http://www.commercialartsupply.com/ Plus, please check the coupon on the blog as well! They are donating 10% of your purchase to Cure or Bust, get your framing done and support the team.
Please mark your calendars and tell your friends. What better way to celebrate Breast Cancer Awareness Month than showcasing a life SAVED from early detection. These pictures have been so incredibly therapeutic for me, amazing how Genevieve captures the emotion. They have also inspired other women going through stupid dumb breast cancer now (and friends of these women who need to see the harsh reality of it). I really hope to see you all there. Stupid dumb breast cancer lit a fire inside me. Join me as we find a way to stop it! I wonder what shoes to wear??!!

For Tickets Via PayPal. PLEASE tell how many tickets and if they are for survivors!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=HSCXDSM8FDDJJ