Yes I usually blog about cancer and other crap that I rant about but shit this is my domain so I will use it as I see fit. We had the joy of dropping the oldest off to college this week. It was incredible. I am not sad at all. I am not nervous or worried like you would think. Does that make me a bad mom? I am sure some think so but their opinion is irrelevant for so many reasons. My oldest has OCD which he has freely discussed and anxiety which running has helped curb so college is going to be an exciting adventure. Frankly he has been a complete ass these past few weeks and we are thrilled to get rid of him. No I am not a cold-hearted bitch but I think it is a coping mechanism that kids do to defend their fears. They need to build a wall up so they do not run in the other direction all though we almost beat him down.
My husband and I worked hard to raise these kids to be kind, respectful humans and then for them to leave and go live an amazing adventure. College, travel, bottle collecting across the world we really do not care just go! Figure out who they are and be in the world beyond these four walls. Watching the first one take flight has been so amazing. Seeing him succeed on his own, choose a college, make some mistakes and own them while learning knowing full well you had a part is so freaking cool. I am filled with pride, How can I be sad as he goes off to college? This is his time! And I can not wait to watch him evolve into a really great man.
Am I nervous? No. He may fail or need to come home or he may soar and have the best time of his life either way he tried! He is doing the best he can with all the tools we provided. He is ready for this adventure and we are so happy for him. He is nervous, yes but he is processing his anxiety and learning from it. Whatever the outcome he is trying. And that right there is enough for me. He is not lying or being fake about any of this, staying true to who he is. Honor and loyal all around.
Are we fearful? Hell no! He is smart but ready. Time to take risks and learn when he screws up. His fear is guiding him and he is not ruining from it. I am so proud of that. Being 18 is about living life and knowing it is ok to screw up, be scared and learn every step of the way. That even then we will be here but that we will not be able to get you out of it so make smart choices.
I am completely ok with this, Tom has been a little emotional but more because we are so proud of what he has accomplished on his own. He took ownership of all this we are just here to support. What a great job that is?! His passion has driven him now it is time to take it up a notch. Plus he eats a LOT so getting him out reduces the bill by a significant amount.
When your kid goes off remember all that you have done for them how you set the stage for them. It is their time to perform and you to sit back and watch. What an amazing show we are in for!
