I pulled a hangnail last week my finger and hand swelled. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I cried when my online friends Jill and Carollynn died and there was nothing I could do. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I hate looking at myself in the mirror between the scars and chest I do not recognise me I can not look. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
My body has changed so much I hardly can wrap my head around this rapid change nor do I want to. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I have scans and blood work coming up and it makes me crazy with worry. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I do not sleep at all even with medication. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I am pissed off that everyday about 128 die from metastatic disease and the world just sits and watches. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I can not fly or exercise without wearing a sleeve otherwise my arm swells. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
Sex?? BLAHAHAHAAHAH what was that again? It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
My veins are shot getting blood drawn is painful. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
Lymphedema in one arm cording in another. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
My family worries about me so much I am sick of hurting them this way. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I feel guilty I am alive. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I forget what I was going to say. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I am sick of hearing "because of your history we have to rule out cancer". It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
My boys have cancer on their medical history and it makes me sick. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I have more doctors than I ever thought possible. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
PSTD is real and I have it! It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I have pain yet numbness in all my surgery sites daily yet you can not see my pain. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I am scared of what radiation, scans and injections have done to my body. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
I feel like I am 90. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.
Maybe you are reading this and you do understand because you had cancer. I am sure you can add many more to my little list. But if you are reading this with no cancer in your life first great I am so happy for you. Second, wake the fuck up! Cancer is not tied in a neat package, cancer does not end, cancer can kill. This is not about whether you can handle the truth or that you do not know how to deal with all this. It is about you understanding that this does not end with a simple surgery or with chemo or radiation. Surviving is an overrated term, we are living through this DX. Some are dying with it. It is time to bring these topics to the front page and stop hiding behind ads of cancer prevention bull shit. We are preventing shit we need to make ourselves strong machines so that we can attack our DX the best way possible.
Understand just because you have "moved on" from cancer the person dealing with it has not. Respect them for their sometimes unseen pain. This is not a boob job do not make this sexy because sexy is not relevant. Respect the fear of recurrence do not tell us it can not come back, we know different. Honor our friends who have died do not tell us they lost their battle, they did not lose anything. Know that we are scared and have every right to be, stop telling us it will be ok. I know this is hard for some but say nothing just a hug. Keep your hands off my tiara I will smack you. Do something bigger than baked ziti. Rides, babysitting, laugh with me or donate to research not walks. We can make a change if we just put our voices together to be louder and stronger for all to hear.
It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand, but you could!
