What would you miss?

Filming has wrapped for a 60-second PSA, which is onschedule for release at the end of November. To request a copy, to schedule an interview, or for more details, contact AnnMarie Giannino-Otis via email at wwym19@gmail.com.

"What WouldYou Miss?"WWYM is catapulting forward with a PSA, a new website, a sweeping social media presence, and coming soon, a TV talk show and podcast.   Fayetteville,New York:  With Last month’s launch of What Would You Miss? AnnMarie Giannino-Otis has inspired a new kind of conversation about depression and suicide, and the response thus far has been nothing less than astonishing.  “The central idea is to start a conversation that inspires hope and reminds us about things in life we may be taking for granted,”says AnnMarie. “Knowing that others find you worthy opens the door to hope. And It’s already saving lives.”   Both a simple question and, perhaps, the seeds of a movement, What Would You Miss? creates a dialogue between people who struggle with mental illness, and those whose lives they touch.  Respondents have offered answer like “I would miss the way my dog wakes me up in the morning by gently tapping my face with his paw,” “I would miss Christmas time,” and “I would miss seeing how compassionate and caring my kids are.” Whole Depression and suicide are no longer as shrouded in secrecy and shame as they were even a few years ago, the topic can feel like a minefield, especially to someone who is not formally trained to handle it. When someone you love is suffering, the prospect of approaching that person and saying the “wrong” thing can be terrifying. And, if you’re immersed in the struggle yourself, the mere act of reaching out may seem like an imposition that will only drive loved ones away.  Simply asking or answering the question, “What would you miss?”connects people on both sides of the dilemma, giving them a softer way to have a difficult conversation.  After Wrapping up filming this week, AnnMarie and her team will soon release the60-second PSA that shares just a few of the sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always deeply poignant responses she’s gotten from a range of people—mothers who have lost a child to suicide, teens and adults with chronic depression,suicide survivors, mental health professionals, and crisis counselors. “It’s Clear that the little things matter, a lot,” says AnnMarie, who is a suicide survivor herself. “In just over a month, the Facebook page [https://www.facebook.com/whatwouldyoumiss/]and Instagram account [https://www.instagram.com/what_would_you_miss/]” have attracted visitors and responses from around the country. It’s been amazing and a little overwhelming.”  With a growing number of organizations buying into the concept, including NAMI(National Alliance on Mental Illness) Syracuse, the Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and local school systems, What Would You Miss? is quickly gaining momentum in the community, as more people ask, answer, share their responses, and begin an important dialogue that can open the door to greater understanding and empathy, and give hope to someone who may feel worthless.  

To Encourage widespread participation and communication among people from all walks of life, the What Would You Miss? Facebook page and an Instagram Account provide platforms for anyone to submit an answer or read through the very personal responses that others have posted.  As part of the initiative, AnnMarie urges those in crisis, or those who just need someone to listen, to text the word “TALK” to 741741, the Crisis Text Line, where trained crisis care professional will respond immediately. The Evolution of a big idea about small moments AnnMarie,the founder of Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer who has also built a reputation for relentless advocacy in the mental health space, has struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since she was a teenager. Known for being outspoken and irrepressible,with strong opinions and an edgy sense of humor, AnnMarie comes from atight-knit family with deep roots in Central New York. “When I tell people thatI have depression, that I have tried to kill myself more than once, they are shocked,” she says.  “They point to my family and friends, to all the good things in my life, and say, ‘Look at everything you have! Look at all the people who care about you!’ What they don’t realize is that I feel unworthy of those good parts my life. Especially when I’m in that dark place, I truly believe that the world would be better off without me.” Through lots of therapy, the right medication, and no small amount of faith in the assurances of those around her, AnnMarie has over time learned to believe tentatively in her own worthiness, but she worries that others in the grips of this mental illness will not get the message in time.  One day recently,after someone suggested that she consider how much she would be missed,AnnMarie turned the lens on herself and started thinking about what she would miss, or miss out on, if she were gone.  “I made it very specific,” sherecalls.  “I would miss singing at the top of my lungs as I drove in the car. I would miss telling my friends cheesy jokes at our monthly Bunco Game.”  Then she took the idea a step further. “I asked myself what the people in my life might miss about me in my absence. And when I brought it down to the particulars—my oldest son wouldn’t be able to call home and tell mom about his latest cross-country wins; my family’s traditional Sunday dinner would be permanently cancelled—my perception changed completely. It hit me at avery deep level that my impact on the lives of the people around me is both positive and very real. I want to give others that same sense of worth, and with it, hope.” AnnMarie immediately started reaching out to others about her revelation. She asked people who had lost children, siblings, or friends to suicide what they missed about their loved one. She asked people still struggling to hold on and others with loved ones who were struggling, “What would you miss?” if they were gone.The feedback was overwhelming. “People jump at the opportunity to speak what’s in their hearts, and to be heard by the person who desperately needs some hope to cling to. These insights open the door to a bigger discussion, the kind of dialog that could help change a mindset and save a life.” Inspired by the response, AnnMarie has established What Would You Miss? so that people impacted by depression and suicide can speak their truths around a mental health epidemic and a leading cause of unnecessary death in the United States.

Just talk

I will be honest I never thought I would share my mental health on social media. NEVER. The more I listen to so many who can not talk about those dark days, the more I realize that I need to. Look let’s face it I am a walking trigger for many but the truth is triggers should set us free not hold us back. It will not happen if we do not talk. How the fuck do we do that? This is dark and scary, no one wants to touch that. I do want to just talk  along with a small army of those who want a change.

A few months ago my buddy Gabe came to town in is Herbie the Love Bug to help drive out suicide. We drove around my hometown and chatted-even kid #4 hopped in. I remember asking him what do you think we can do to prevent suicide, his response was real and typical of him. “To talk and know not everyone is happy.'' While it is very hard to listen to your child speak frankly of something you struggle with I know that I will do all I can to keep this a safe space for him and his brothers to come to. Gabe and I talked about postpartum depression, cancer and depression, trauma and depression and we laughed a lot. Laughing and suicide who can they go together? Well see they do cause that is my story, I do not know maybe it relates to you as well. But we just talked.

I first realized I was depressed when I was about 10 years old. I dreamed of dying thought about how and how it would play out. But death surrounded my in a tragic way so bringing it up seemed impossible. As I grew up I found ways to self destruct whether it was self harm, drugs or hanging out with the wrong crowd, I was searching for ways to implode. I had 3 friends die before I was 19, I mean close friends and their death seemed so appealing to me. I tried a few times before I was 18 to kill myself but no one seemed to want to discuss it. I needed to JUST TALK!

I worked really hard at masking my depression. It was easy I am loud, mildly obnoxious and the “life of the party” so no one suspected I was looking over the edge and wanting to fall. I had a few years of pushing through and living but the darkness was real and I was starting to not see light. After kid #4 I began my fall. I know I have talked a little about this but for the newbies this is a recap. I lost an unhealthy amount of weight but got the “oh my god you look so good” yet I hated how I looked and hated myself. I was criticizing my parenting, friendships and anything in the middle-beating up hard on myself was something I have perfected. I was not good enough. And that was a heavy feeling, I finally could not bear the weight. I remember the therapist looking at me saying “are you in danger of hurting yourself”.  All I could say was “yes”. It was time to be hospitalized and just talk.

I am not going to go into my story more because I want to talk about what we can do just wanted to show I am no stranger here. And what the hell is that we can do? We have to talk. The fact is talking about suicide does not make that person want to. My god it makes us release all those thoughts we are having. Validates that this shit is ok to talk about.  If we can get someone with suicidal thoughts to talk for 10 minutes we can sometimes get them through that day. We need to be able to discuss self harm and understand why. Self-harm is not an attempt to commit suicide, it is a coping mechanism for stress, distraction, self-punishment or expressing feelings but can lead to suicidal thoughts quickly. Those who self-harm cannot simply stop. It is a release they believe they need. Self-harm is easy to hide which makes identifying it hard. It is not just cutting- burning, hitting and Eating Disorders all are part. Finding an alternative is key. Rubber band around your wrist to snap, holding ice until it hurts, drawing on yourself or intense exercise are great solutions.  Self-harm is sometimes about feeling the emotional pain. We need to remember not all pain should be felt physically. This is an uncomfortable conversation but very important. Just talk.

We often find ourselves not being able to really know what to say. It is scary and real we fear losing that loved one and this makes us unsure what to say.

Things to say to someone struggling. 

🌸 You are not a burden

🌸 I can give you space 

🌸 You are doing ok

🌸 Take as long as you need 

🌸 It’s not your fault

🌸 I love you 

🌸 Celebrate even small victories 

🌸 Lean on me 

🌸 How about a stay in night?

🌸 You are enough 

🌸 You matter 

Know the facts and do not play into the society. We are still in the world that has those with a mental illness playing the villain. Those living with a mental illness are being blamed for violent acts and so much more, this only perpetuates the stigma.  It is time to know the facts! Most people with mental illness are not violent and only 3%–5% of violent acts can be linked. People with severe mental illnesses are over 10 times more likely to be victims of violent crime than the general population! 1 in 5 American adults experienced a mental health issue. 1 in 10 young people experienced a period of major depression. 1 in 25 Americans lived with a serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression. These are just cases with those diagnosed, so many can not get a doctor to see them or have no insurance or good forbid we viewed mental health the same as physical. We need to just talk!

We want a change right? We want to decrease the suicide rate for sure. We can not get there any other way then talking. Open the door and have that conversation. I am talking about doing this any time especially when you do not even think there is something going on. We can not get to where we need without talking about hard subjects when we feel ok. Practicing some important tools when we feel good makes them easier to use when we are struggling. I wear a semicolon tattoo not just because I want to remind myself my story is not over but because I want others to see they are not alone. I have seen others with the tattoo and I simply show them mine. Sometimes that brings a great conversation or it validates their story and mine. It is my way of just talking. We this desperately to reach out to that friend that you think maybe suffering or that friend that just seems to be ok or better yet do this for YOU! You matter! Asking for help is not a sign of weakness it shows humility and courage to take care of yourself.  Let’s talk together, let’s break that stigma!