Cancer is offensive

If you find offense in this how can I possibly accept myself

I could start with I am sorry you are offended but fuck that! Sorry NOT sorry as the youth of today says. I had a picture flagged and removed from Facebook that should not have, it is within the guidelines. But someone found it offensive calling it nudity. It was a reconstructed breast which is FAKE with a prosthetic nipple FAKE again. I try to figure out who would report it and my first thought is someone who has never had cancer or any illness effect them so deeply. So let's start there shall we?

You know what is offensive? Being told you have a choice of having your breast amputated or a lumpectomy that may "deform your breast" that is exactly the words I heard. You have to choose one and which ever you do will change your body and mind for life and you have no choice but to pick one. No one explains how destroyed you will be over this in the end you just have to do it. Offended?? Having plastic tubes come out of you to release fluid from your body that is offensive, humiliating and inhuman. Naked at every appointment having every doctor and nurse look and feel your once private breasts, that is what nudity is now! The fact every woman I talk to spends at some point time crying in the shower because of how cancer destroyed their body as imperfect as it was, is totally offensive. 

I am the one that should be offended

I am offended that my "boob job" did not work and I had to have a 10 hour surgery to get some sort of breasts. Now I know now I did not have to have reconstruction but at the time I thought I would "offend" people without breasts and I did not have the courage to go flat. But that is a different blog post. I am offended that because I did not see these options on other woman I had no idea what  I could do. I am extremely offended that I had to have my nipples removed which I never knew would make me feel so blank. That my body is covered ins scars that remind me daily I had CANCER.

Offended that I am a rag doll now sewn together

Offensive is having your body radiated to make scars, cancer, pain all dissipate just a little but never terminate it completely. I am so offended that I lay naked on a table while a machine burns my skin, I lay there alone because it is too dangerous for others to be there with me. As they close the metal door I am scared and naked in all senses of the word.  Or the people that lose their hair because of chemo as they on the bathroom floor vomiting from the drugs being pumped in them. That is offensive!

Two days after surgery and radiation, this is offensive to me!

Cancer offends us every time we have a scan and we wait anxiously for results that will change our life. I am offended because I know that the answer could mean death which scares me to my core or paranoia which makes me mildly embarrassed.  Cancer is offending me and my friends every time someone is DX metastatic or dies. Why isn't this the most offensive? I am extremely offended that society does not seem to want to acknowledge this and would rather paint a pink world for us to look at where everyone survives and gets a boob job. I am offended that they took my color pink and made it about cancer, a color is not a disease. 

Cancer killed this beautiful friend, that is where people should be offended. 

I am so offended that people do not take the the time to understand that mastectomy pictures, nipple tattoo, nipple prosthetic on a fake breast are healing. When we see the image we see our self then we realize we are not alone.  In that image we are all the same. We see that we can get to the next step that the surgical glue goes away and somewhere in there we are still us, a new creation yet the same. Looking at these takes the scary out just a little helping us prepare for what we need to do next. 

I am saddened and offended that I now have fake nipple and breasts both with no feeling

If you had cancer and these offend you than couldn't you just move on? Just like we all handle cancer treatment different we need to respect how we heal from it. Maybe you are offended about the doctor dancing through her mastectomy did it occur to you to find out why she needed that? That person sobbing every day does she offend you? It is how she is healing because her personal life is a mess on top of cancer. That girl that wore 6 inch stilettos through her surgeries and treatments-that gave her the courage to stand tall during it and not let her family see her fall. And those images that you find offensive and consider them nudity.......they are helping people survive an incredibly debilitating disease. By calling them offensive you are saying that they are and only hurting them more. Was that your mission?  If we do not accept these images how can we accept ourselves and move pass what is happening to our bodies?

I really thought we were pass this but apparently not. My 15 year old son does not like when I post the images because well he is 15 and is worried that someone may hurt my feelings. But he respects them and knows they help a lot of people. My 13 year old is proud that we all have the courage to post them because he sees strength. Neither see sex or nudity or are offended. I leave you with this if two  teenage boys can respect and see the truth in them why can't others? 

Laughing is not offensive but sitting there with tubes, amputated breasts and the fear they did not get all the cancer is by far offensive

Divas at your service-Happy One Year Anniversary to me

It has been one year since I joined the CureDiva team or better yet family. When I was first asked by Efrat to blog she wanted me to dig deep for my first post about body image. Efrat wanted the Diva Community to see just what my blogs were about. Efrat wanted the lounge section be a place where woman could find the help, tips and resources they could feel trusted, just like girlfriends relying on each other. I have felt like in this past year I have helped build this community just like my girlfriend wanted. Here is the thing, there is so much to CureDiva people have no idea about. I have seen posts and and questions about the site being just a shop and  selling "stuff". While yes it is a shopping mall it is so much more and in the past year I have learned just that. I have decided to share some stories just so everyone can see what CD is about. 

Cure Diva offers two services that no site seems to have. One is the Guardian Divas.  An area that I run and am honored to be a part of. Woman who are looking for support can now reach out to these guardians who have been there. Seems like a win win because for the guardians it ends up being the therapy they need to heal. You know it is never over and this helps us push through. The other is "Divas at your Service".  In the bottom right corner a screen pops up asking for help, seems simple enough. Except what is on the other end is not a computer or mass of people randomly answering questions they know nothing about. It is myself, Lisa or Carole woman who get it, who understand and want to help you through your cancer process. May not seem huge but when you are DX with breast cancer which is so private this intimate chat is so such a relief. I want to explain just how.

The Alone

I was on the service and chatting nicely with a woman who was very alone. She lived in a very secluded wooded area and none of her friend ever had breast cancer. Her support was great but no one really understood. After her mastectomy she had chemo, rads, a horrible infection, implants removed and scars so bad she can not use any prosthesis, NONE. She hated this, she missed her breasts, any breasts, she just wanted to be a girl again. She hated, loathed how she looked without a bra, is there anything she could do. I gave her my number and she called me. I showed her various bras and we decided on the Ana Ono kelly Lace . The fact that this bra was made by a breast cancer momma made her so happy! Great she said and we hung up. About a week later I got a call apologizing for bother me. "Alone" wanted to tell me that the bra was just what she needed. It made her feel like a woman, she felt pretty again like herself. She was always pretty I am sure but the bra gave her that boost! She thanked me about 100xs for giving her a piece of herself back and then I heard it-the tears and crying. We sat there in silence both crying for what felt like a minute but was probably 10 seconds. That moment it was about sisterhood, that is CureDiva.

The Grandma

I got an email from Carole asking me to help this sweet old woman, no problem. She was 87 and a 21 year breast cancer survivor!!! Hated that young kids were getting breast cancer said it was for old ladies and a stupid disease. I loved her right away. She didn't leave the house much but had a single mastectomy, used a walker and needed a new prosthesis her old one was "shot to hell in a hand basket". After an hour and 45 minute chat were I tried to figure out which one she had and find a bra we placed an order. I called her back when I knew she got it. She was so happy that I not only called her but remembered and even happier that it works like a dream. Now she will look all together at church, "you made this old lady happy". that is CureDiva.

The Uni  

Our PR told us about a TV show doing a make over for a breast cancer patient and could we send some products. Great, that sounds just perfect. After getting some info I asked if I could please talk to the star because we needed to know some info that would help with the bra and the prosthesis. After some persuading they said yes. So I rang the woman, "Is this AnnMarie of SDBC" was her response. Not only did I know her but I LOVE LOVE LOVE her. She is a young BC girl who needed this make over and a prosthesis.   See she had been knitting herself one, yes you read that right. After we both burst into chills and tears I go her measurements. For her it wasn't about getting just a bra it was about getting back into her life. She needed to start getting out of the T shirt and jeans and start having a little style like she did before all this shit!  I loved picking out her bras ( I found ones with pretty colors that would look great on her) and inserts, knowing who was getting them made me so happy. That is CureDiva

The Brobe

I was helping this lovely woman with her mastectomy prep. Her doctor never gave her the info about using a recliner to sleep in so I told her about the BedLounger. She was so excited to have these tips. We chatted about treatment what she was feeling and what was next. She wanted all the options possible for dealing with drains and really wished we had the Brobe which was on back order. I do this 'Sisterhood of the Traveling Brobe" and sent her mine. She was blown away by this plus I sent her a Bravery Bag. We have been texting ever since. She sent the Brobe back and I have since sent it on to the next but that is what CureDiva is about making that connection.

CureDiva is not just a shopping page it is a community set up to give the best possible platform for connecting to others. I have made so many incredible connections through this page. I did not even blog about the vendors!!! Nor have I discussed my Tali, my sun who I love with my heart even a sea can not break our sisterhood. I work with a small company that I am in contact with daily. They listen to the voice I have for the breast cancer community and respect those crazy comments I have. Aya, Dana, Maor, Zohar, Carole, Lisa, Mor, Ayete  all work together with the same mission to make CureDiva a community not just a page. Now if only I can talk them into a tiara section it is the only page we are missing! 

Happy one Year Anniversary to me!