This is how we roll...

A sample of dinner



New Year’s Day!!! I really cannot express how much this day is my favorite day of the year. My entire family, siblings, aunt, dad, cousins all in one house. We spend the day laughing, so hard that some of us pee a little. We play games bunch of cheaters they are, I swear Lori and Heather study People magazine before! We make the kids sled on cardboard, we are so ghetto sometimes.  We reminisces of when we were young and the pranks we played which only gives the younger kids bad ideas!  We are so loud, Megan said she could her us literally down the street. We do NOT put Styrofoam in the microwave, well Tom G does but he never listens. We have to put up with my brother who in fact is the BIGGEST PAIN. We used to have whipped cream eating contests until Mimi said “That is violating the whip cream” and she outlawed it. We do all this togetherJ

A sample of dessert

Some of my fav women

 

Mainly we EAT and I mean EAT. People always say to me that their family has so much food, it is no joke what my people can make……Stuff Squid, Shrimp, Antipasto, Fried calamari, Calamari salad, Cheese olives and meats, Chips and dip, stuffed peppers, Garlic pizza, Wasabi and cream cheese, Pasta and meatballs, Ham, Beef tenderloin, Lasagna, Italian wedding soup, Lentil soup, Spinach and ricotta pie, Vodka pasta, Sweet potato casserole, Lemon jello, Cookies, Cheesecake, Jubilee roll, Pecan chocolate pie, WHIP CREAM! Honestly that is only what we could remember, Heather called me the other day and we were wondering what else we could make The food is made from our hearts which makes everything taste that much better. Ok, who is still hunger cause it all comes back out right before you leave just to make sure you are stuffed to the limit. SERIOUSLY!!!!?? Some maybe having a hangover, we have a food hang over. Totally stuffed right now and will be all week.

CARDBOARD



Never ever come tired!

A game where they all fib, perfect!

How long have we been doing this?

East meets West for some TROUBLE

 

We missed you Michelle!!

Such an important part of my life both as a child and now as a semi adult and the fact that these people every one of them has given me hope makes my heart full. OK OK OK I know what Elana is thinking (if she reads this which I doubt she does), “Enough with the love shit, Jesus how long will the sap continue?” I am just so happy on NYD and nothing not even Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer can take that from me!! Family is the key to life, it always fits. Happy Fucking New Year and good bye 2012 do not come back cause you suck!!

 

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Events: mark your calendars

Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer: Events: mark your calendars: This link will bring you to the FaceBook Events page   https://www.facebook.com/stupiddumbbreastcancer?ref=hl#!/stupiddumbbreastcancer...

The truth will set you free....it will piss you off first

We all make mistakes, everybody does. How we learn from them is our own choice, so choose wisely!



I started writing this when I found out it was a really a fake. I want to preface this by saying I know that help is needed. I get that, and I really hope she gets help, fast before more people are hurt. There is actually a condition for this. I have given her lots of chances to come clean but she seems to not want to face the real facts. There are people that need to stop praying for your cancer and I feel they need to know the truth.  I want this said by me before the ones that are set out to hurt her take over. I do not want pain, just for this to end! Let me start at the beginning for those you do not know what cancer is like....

You get the word, the call the diagnosis "You have cancer". SHIT, are you kidding me?, am I going to die?, how did this happen?, what am I going to do? Among others, these things go through your head. Your friends and family members want so much to tell you it will be ok and they find ways to help, but if they never had cancer then they just do not really get it. So, it is 2012 and social media is at your fingertips (get it? cause you type, LOL). You search Google, you look at FB, hit Twitter then stop at Instagram. WOW, you find so many cyber friends all feeling those intense feelings. All going through the war against this disease that is taking rank on your body without your permission. You become friends with so many, now I do not mean "friends", I mean you cry with them, laugh and want them to be well. When a blogger friend died this year I sobbed, like a painful sob that I just lost a friend. The connection is real and strong, we call it "CANCER CONNECTION". The fact is we all need this so bad, not just for the advice and words of encouragement but to see we are not alone. I want to meet all these fighters, in Sweden, Netherlands, Canada, Italy, South Carolina, Florida, all over I want to meet, hug and cry with everyone! When I sent them their stupid dumb breast cancer shirt it made me so proud that they would honor me that way.

So do you get how important these friends are, so important. We post pictures to let each other know who we are doing, when the next surgery or treatment are, to make us laugh and sometimes to cry. Enter Katie, so sick with bone cancer. Telling us how she needs this next surgery to survive but the surgery is so scary. Showing us ALL her meds she takes. Pictures go up because she is back in the ER and is scared as hell. Telling us that she cannot go on she accepts death. Pray for her please. We did we pray, sent her so much encouraging words she must have been so happy. We told her we were here for her, told her our own personal struggles. Opened up so she knew she could trust us. Sent her a stupid dumb breast cancer shirt just because I care so much and wanted to lift her spirits, no charge Katie I know how poor you are. I cried cause she was so ill and I wanted to help her. Our heart was heavy for our friend battling and needing support. UNTIL.....

She was a cancer fake and so were her pictures. Her head was shaved for St. Baldrick's then to make it look like you lost it. These are the facts, we do not need to give it more than that.

I reached out to her before I did anything else. I gave her the chance to come to me for help. All she had to do was admit her lies to me. I hope everyone just stops and leaves her alone. She is getting help. Yes it was a lie that got out of control. But I am done trying and I really believe she needs to be exposed. Not to hurt her, because I believe she needs some major help, but to let those who she is seeking attention from know that she does not have CANCER. I am not trying to hurt her, but I am looking out for my friends who she is hurting with her lies, real friends who do not lie to each other! I also feel like this will help her. It will release her from the lie and I hope that she stops. I want her to move past this and get on with life. Those of us fighting right now will never understand why she did this, but I am done trying to figure it out. Katie says she has health issues, I just want her to get better. I want her to have peace.

 I am asking everyone to not be mean or nasty, just delete her from your Instgram, FB, twitter and anywhere else. Stop the negativity and just move past this. Say your peace with her but do not add to this horrible lie. Katie needs her family to help her, she needs support that we can not give her unless she chooses to stop running and lying. For now we need to let her run away and let us not look back. Nobody needs hate mail, emails, texts or such. She was so wrong, but during the holidays, shouldn't we have a little compassion? So get pissed, but be the bigger person and let it go, let her go. Does being mean ever make you feel better? Say something nice or nothing at all. But karma has away to taking care of it all.

Caring Kids take 1....

The weather outside was frightful but the children inside were delightful! The First Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer Caring Kids event was a major success!! I looked around the room and saw these children of all ages working so hard and finding a way to send real holiday cheer to those who need it. This is what good will to man is all about. The children were not complaining or looking for ways to do it quick. What they were doing was making more and more and taking their time. I think of all the ugliness in the this world, the hate, the violence, anger, the liars and it breaks my heart. As I looked around The Towne Center Community Room I saw love, compassion, thoughtfulness, kindness and the want to help others in pain. The way the older children helped the younger was so important for both age groups.

The children and parents that braved the storm are all amazing. People keep telling me what a great job I am doing, well I just have the ideas it is the caring people that make it real.  I cannot wait until the next Caring Kids event. I really hope you all take the time to show someone that you care, really care about them! This is the holiday spirit, this is good will to men, this is spreading christmas cheer. I challenge you to be like these kids for even a day, could you? Could you help someone today even though you are busy? Could you smile at that rude person in line? Could you just say Happy Holidays to someone who looks like they need it? You could but will you....

 

 

 

 

The making of a hypochondriac

Before I was diagnosed with Stupid Dumb Breast cancer I was NEVER sick. Even if I had a little something it didn’t bother me enough to go the doctor. Sure I did my yearly crap but nothing beyond that. Then the effin lump came into play. Now I feel like I am uber (I love that word) sensitive to any little thing. A couple of weeks after the mastectomy I was getting this pressure above my eye. Not a headache per say but constant pressure. It was affecting my balance and caused me to get floaters. Must be a tumor right? No just nerve damage from the anesthesia, it gets better over time but worse with each surgery. Guess I am screwed there.

A couple of weeks before the lump I had an ablation, hystercopy and a D/C, nothing like cleaning out the parts. I have had bad periods, cysts blah blah blah so we cleaned house. The ablation should help with all that, nope. This past couple of months my friggin period has been early, came in like a monster and gave me cramps and lower back pain similar to labor. Really I do not need this shit, no one does! So a sono revealed some follicles (another great word, seems all happy and gay!). Gotta love an internal sono, “Do you want to insert it or shall I?” After the sono I went to the OB/GYN, my FAVORITE office, warped I know but the staff and doctor make me feel like family not a patient! My sweet OB decided to do an in house biopsy, OUCH!!!! I love when a male OB says “It is a small probe, I will be quick and you will do great”, excuse me but do you have a vagina??? I held my awesome nurse Gia’s hand and it was over fast but shit balls that hurt. Biopsy came back …what was that word “unremarkable”, really that is good no cancer there but what a dumb friggin word! I am still having back pain that is shooting down my leg and cramps with pelvic pressure so just to be safe I had a CT with contrast of my pelvic and abdomen.

So I drank my white chalky crap at 11:20 and went to be scanned away. It was gross, cold or warm all GROSS! You know how I roll, with a posse in toe. MC and Genevieve came along for pictures (cause ya never know what they will find) and moral support (cause ya know I have no patience right now). I do not think the nice lady working the big machine was amused by my estrogen, but she ended up being a good sport. I think it is funny that spell check changed entourage to estrogen so I left it, BLAHAHAH! ANYWAY, they scanned my lower parts in no time and I was off and running, to the bathroom cause dude I had to pee! Then home to wait……

I know I am so lucky that I have friends that will read my results ASAP. My good friend called me to tell me I have ANOTHER fucking cyst, he did not say it this way he is too sweet. Basically, I am a breeding ground and need to have it all out! The thing that sucks is you have to do all this when you have been bitch slapped by cancer, you just never know. The correlation between breast/ovarian/uterine cancer is crazy! There is no cancer right now YAHOOOOOOOOOOO but honestly I feel like these cysts are just waiting for some action. I do not plan on giving it any! Anyone that thinks that cancer no matter the stage, ends with a mastectomy or the last round of chemo or the last radiation is a fool. The doctors all take all "issues" differently and with a closer eye. The oncologist will review all this when I visit him in January before the oopherectomy/hysterectomy (more funnier words). At this point January 24th can not come soon enough. So out with the uterus, the ovaries, the tubes and cervix who needs you anyway, not me.

I never used to worry about health issues, I do not have Munchhausen, I never liked being sick. This is all new ground for me and I do not like it. I used to be so active now I can’t focus. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. My journey has been hard for me, yes there are other people dealing with much more, but for my family this sucks! Every time I go to the doctor a new “thing” arises. Makes me not want to go. As time goes by I know this gets less and less the worry at least but right now until my MRI in May I worry. Cancer is a sneaky bastard that loves to pop out and give you hell. I plan on being just the bitch to give it back!

A library event WOW

I heard through the grapevine that the library had a “surprise" for me. I hate surprises, I am the one planning the surprises, not getting them! I had it under great authority that I would love it. Well, I DID!! The library made me a fabulous Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer tree; it was filled with quotes, shoes and pinkness. It is awesome, just like the staff there. They also had a message board with things people could say to me, which is still there and I cannot wait to read. Surprises were good here! Thank you so much my friends at Fayetteville Free Library, thank you.

The night started with rain, Yuk. I would rather it snow, sorry but I would.  Then my van died in front of the library, needed a new battery. Truly never a dull moment. My minions got to work. My older boys were very good about helping set up and get ready so big thanks to them! Genevieve got to work displaying all the photos which I think looked beautiful in that library room. MC and Kristin set up the shirt table, seriously what would I do without my peeps??? Echo, Riley and Ben stayed to help pass things out and then listen to the talk. Made me so incredibly proud to have them there. My son needed to hear this to really grasp what I went through on this summer. The girls needed to be aware of this for the future. I was so happy that my niece, despite how crappy she felt, as did two other teenagers that I hope get inspired to be active. Well, I know they will and I cannot wait to see what they do! I think I just lite a fire under their asses, I am proud of their passion to fight cancer.

I loved meeting all these survivors that I have grown to be friends with. I mean I LOVED it. I feel like I know them but seeing them made their story come to life. You do not know how much that meant to me. My story in part is some of their story and we share a cancer connection. After the negativity left the building (yes it seems t follows me like the plague) the energy that came through from everyone was pure positivity! And so I began MY journey with everyone listening, laughing and shedding a few tears. I tried to not watch my sister; she is a water works girl! I told my story which to me and my family made for a long, tiring physically draining summer. My son was so proud of me, which made me so happy. I mean shit he is almost 13 and he was inspired by his MOM!

I want to make this BIG; I want this to come to your town. See the reality is that it doesn’t matter if people in Troy, NY know me personally. If they know cancer then they get my story. I am just simply giving cancer a voice and a face. There is so much more behind this pink ribbon that I love to wear. This is the story of a young woman of 4 boys who caught her cancer and took the paths that she saw fit. It may not be the story you relate to but it is showing what happens to a women’s body when she takes this path. I want people to see those drains coming out, the scars, the pain, the SHOES!! Breast cancer has a face and it is young, it is fierce, it wears high heels. Stupid dumb breast cancer is not your grandmother’s disease. It hits woman of any age, race, and ethnicity.

So, I thank the library for their support and the guts to show this at the library. I would love to come to your library, your school, your town. South Carolina isn’t that far right??

Motherless Daughters

 

 

 

 

Sometimes I go about my day and the thought of my mom never enters my mind. Lately, she is nonstop.  There are times in a child’s life that they just need their mother. I was so lucky growing up to have 2 amazing Grandmothers, a sister, a godmother,  a big brother, a dad like no other, Aunts who went beyond their role, my mother’s friends who took me in,  and friend’s mothers who made it their duty to treat me like a daughter (Momma Lorraine you always make me feel like a daughter). Because of all of them, I was so filled with love that it was easy to get past the loss. Through a LOT of therapy I learned to become who I am, knowing that I was just like her and to stand proud. Yes, sometimes the loss is intense but you learn to get used to it. Anyone who says “you will get over it” is full of shit and does not know what they are saying. You never get used to a losing a loved one, you just learn how to cope.  

My mother died just a few weeks after my 1^st birthday. It doesn’t make my loss harder or less than my sister or brother, it just makes it my loss. I grew to love the woman in this picture without ever even knowing her; a mother’s love is that strong. During my journey with stupid dumb breast cancer the loss of her has been the biggest challenge. Some days it would be so great to have her, but I do not let myself go there. I remember that in some capacity she is in my life, she is here.  I am told she was a fierce, opinionated, strong willed, out-spoken, hard ass of a woman. HMMMMMMM……I think we may have butted heads, A LOT!

Caring kids....

Join us on December  22 for 1-3pm at the Towne Center Community room located in back of Target, as we make cards or posters for the cancer patients at the areas radiology and oncology centers. Stupid dumb breast cancer would love to have enough for all the centers. This event is for children in first grade and up. The older children will pair up with the younger ones to help with the writing. Parents must stay!!! We will have hot cocoa and cookies. This event is a great way to show the children that there are people battling for their life even during the holidays. I will be taking donations of poster boards, paper, stickers, hot cups, napkin, hot cocoa, and packages cookies before the event so please contact me amandtom@msn.com . This is an open house event, you do not need to be here for 2 hours, stop in make a card and get on with the hustle of the day. . 

Ok so another idea! For those not in New York but want to participate, have your kids make the cards and send to me. Or send them to your local Oncology/Radiology center, just tell them Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer sent you!

My girl wants to party all the time

Cousin and gal pal, LOL

My GIRL!!!

Shots anyone??

So there is this girl I love...



Shot boy and shot girl

One of these people owes me a carpet cleaning, LOL

PARTY!!

Cheese girl

"I never get a pic of you guys doing a shot"

If you did not know, I LOVE a party. The bigger the better, the louder the funner  (I put that in for Tom he loves my spelling) and the more the merrier. We love to throw a “Kick off the Holidays” party every year; next year will be 10 years! This year the party held so much meaning. Yes, everyone was happy I am doing well, they were all there to raise a glass to celebrate life, almost everyone had a splash of pink on and they all loved the shots (almost 300, is that wrong??), But for me it was about so much more. I kept looking around at the people that helped in so many ways and could not help to get misty eyed; I was not going to cry because I was the princess of the party!!!  I watched as my family and friends danced around to some loud music, they ate the food I made (ok I did buy some of that shit but hey I have cancer!!), they begrudgingly took the shots that I pushed on them, but what they did most was SMILE!! My house was filled with so much positive energy I can still feel the love.  There were so many funny, happy, crazy moments I keep reflecting and cracking up.  

Sister in laws, friends too

Best shoes, well except mine:)

I do not think Bill Cosby intended pudding to be in a shot!

Breast exam

OK SERIOUSLY a TRADITION

Seriously Margret are you sure he is of age?

Much easier without the cookies!

You can dance....for inspiration!!

 

How cute are they?

me and "G"

BEAUTIFUL

DUCK FACE

Hey Tom....

Things that cracked me up…..

·         Nothing like the minister’s wife YELLING “HEY HONEY FEEL HER BOOBS THEY ARE FREEZING!!!” I wonder if his sermon had that in it???

·         The night was complete with my sister doing a shot (or 2), which she NEVER does!

·         My brother insisting all he ate was shrimp and “that spinach thing, was anyone near the table while he ate and ate and ate, LOL!

·         My girl Karen and her husband getting down, DAMN Nat I did not know you had those moves!

·         My husband’s SHOES!!! Even he sparkled.

·         My son Ben telling me “Mom really you should have made pink Jell-O shots:, he is right, next time Elana!!!

·         Having 2 great seniors as DD and making them stay up past their bedtime

·         A sweet friend who will remain nameless dropping her coffee mug then stepping back and busting her ass on the floor, sorry I laughed first, hope you are ok?! BLAHAHAH

·         My cousin Tom wearing his food and drink, stay classy kid.

·         Ted and his argyle socks

·         Rosie taking home the leftovers from her Barbie drink

·         Look at these drinks that someone left FULL, this is alcohol abuse right Brent? “RIGHT!” Kristin “where is my drink?” OOOPPSSSS

·         Tracy can you say CHEESE!!!!

·         Rosie and Tom when it’s almost 3am and you are STILL here. Just sleep over!!!

·         As always my shot girl and now my shot boy, LOVE them!

SISSY

my daddy o and G-Deb

My Bro and his lady

2 of my Favorite peeps



A lot of love...for Nikki's leg

Happiness!

 



Duck love

Andy giving more LOVE

Dude, I do my own breast EXAM

 

BUDS

Aaron where is the ice?



Bunny ears??



Jason and his duck face!

And you are???

I swear no more shots

Chin there is something on your shirt right Jill?

Brookside men

Candy girl



God daughter god mother combo

East meets north

It was an amazing night and I had so much fun. But I will not lie, I am STILL tired. This is my month for celebrating and getting my head in the game for January, where Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer will be beat down again.

 

Grandma Jennie

Always cooking, ALWAYS! She literally smelled like garlic

My dad's mom had stupid dumb breast cancer when I was like 5. It really is the first memory I have as a child. My mother died when I was 1 (that’s another post, well maybe someday) and my Grandma Jennie helped take care of us. Now I am not one to sugar coat anything so while she LOVED me that wasn’t the case for my siblings and some cousins. Grandma Jennie had a hard side and if you messed with her you were done. She actually didn’t even let some of them in her house, yet I slept over all the time. Sure she was tough on them, I am sure they were rotten in some way.  But this is about me so we won’t go into that! I however, was her princess and she spoiled me rotten, so I am not complaining. She did have a moth like a truck driver. When asked what was for dinner she would reply “Shit and Piss now go play”. And you wonder where I get my mouth?!

 She was the typical Italian Grandma always cooking and cleaning and I was her helper. I learned how to cook and clean through her very meticulous ways. I played bingo with her, went to get her hair done, we watched EVERY soap opera on TV, played Gin Rummy like crazy and I just loved being around her. Then all of a sudden the word “cancer” was in our vocabulary. I don’t remember much and what I do it vague. I remember waiting in the waiting room for her to come out of surgery. My dad, uncles, aunts and a few cousins come into my memory. I know I couldn’t go see her because of my age and I waved to her from the window, I do remember missing her so much. Then she was out and doing well. I have no memory of chemo or radiation but remember her having to stretch her arm up the wall, which I am doing now.

I love this one!

What I vividly remember is this…..I slept at her house weekly and we would come home from bingo and get into bed and watch Johnny Carson! She had a pink silk night cap and silk pillow to keep her hair from messing up. I loved to sleep on that pillow so much. She would take her bra off in front of me and that’s when I saw it. Grandma Jennie had one breast; the other was prosthesis in a pocket of her bra. Her shoulder had an indent because the bra was so heavy. I hated the way her shoulder mark was. Honestly what I loved to do was wear the bra! Sometimes I would put the fake boob on my head and walk without it falling. What a whacko I was?

 Then there was the scar. She let me run my finger across it, not in a fun way but because I needed to see she was ok. I asked her over and over through the years “Did it hurt?” “Are you sad?” she never gave me a real answer. Always, “no big deal” or “sad, I don’t have time to be sad” sometimes “have a meatball”.

As I take all the steps involved through this stupid dumb breast cancer, I wonder what went through her head and how she really felt. We didn’t talk about it but it wasn’t hidden in our family either. I remember everyone being worried and helping every way they can but it still makes me wonder how she really felt.

My HS graduation with my Grandma Dunni, we will blog about her later

I have been grappling lately with my choice to get implants. I really hate these foreign fucking things. I hate the fakeness of them, how they feel and especially how cold they are “Like a corpse” my girlfriend said great friend right? LOL!! Maybe I should have not done reconstruction, but the choice has been made and I need to find a way to be accepting of these boobs.

 I wonder if Grandma Jennie just accepted this and moved on. I have this feeling she did. I never heard her complain or say "Why me?". Whatever the case is I am proud of her bravery. She did not fall even back when breast cancer was scarier than it is now. She was a strong women and a force to be reckoned with, her bad side was not a good side to be on. Rock on Grammie thanks for leading the way for me, I am sure you had no idea where it would take me! I know she sent me crazy love along with my Grandma Dunni, my mother and my friend Lisa. It is good to have loved ones in high places, literally:)