What would you miss?

Filming has wrapped for a 60-second PSA, which is onschedule for release at the end of November. To request a copy, to schedule an interview, or for more details, contact AnnMarie Giannino-Otis via email at wwym19@gmail.com.

"What WouldYou Miss?"WWYM is catapulting forward with a PSA, a new website, a sweeping social media presence, and coming soon, a TV talk show and podcast.   Fayetteville,New York:  With Last month’s launch of What Would You Miss? AnnMarie Giannino-Otis has inspired a new kind of conversation about depression and suicide, and the response thus far has been nothing less than astonishing.  “The central idea is to start a conversation that inspires hope and reminds us about things in life we may be taking for granted,”says AnnMarie. “Knowing that others find you worthy opens the door to hope. And It’s already saving lives.”   Both a simple question and, perhaps, the seeds of a movement, What Would You Miss? creates a dialogue between people who struggle with mental illness, and those whose lives they touch.  Respondents have offered answer like “I would miss the way my dog wakes me up in the morning by gently tapping my face with his paw,” “I would miss Christmas time,” and “I would miss seeing how compassionate and caring my kids are.” Whole Depression and suicide are no longer as shrouded in secrecy and shame as they were even a few years ago, the topic can feel like a minefield, especially to someone who is not formally trained to handle it. When someone you love is suffering, the prospect of approaching that person and saying the “wrong” thing can be terrifying. And, if you’re immersed in the struggle yourself, the mere act of reaching out may seem like an imposition that will only drive loved ones away.  Simply asking or answering the question, “What would you miss?”connects people on both sides of the dilemma, giving them a softer way to have a difficult conversation.  After Wrapping up filming this week, AnnMarie and her team will soon release the60-second PSA that shares just a few of the sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always deeply poignant responses she’s gotten from a range of people—mothers who have lost a child to suicide, teens and adults with chronic depression,suicide survivors, mental health professionals, and crisis counselors. “It’s Clear that the little things matter, a lot,” says AnnMarie, who is a suicide survivor herself. “In just over a month, the Facebook page [https://www.facebook.com/whatwouldyoumiss/]and Instagram account [https://www.instagram.com/what_would_you_miss/]” have attracted visitors and responses from around the country. It’s been amazing and a little overwhelming.”  With a growing number of organizations buying into the concept, including NAMI(National Alliance on Mental Illness) Syracuse, the Newhouse School of Public Communications at Syracuse University, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and local school systems, What Would You Miss? is quickly gaining momentum in the community, as more people ask, answer, share their responses, and begin an important dialogue that can open the door to greater understanding and empathy, and give hope to someone who may feel worthless.  

To Encourage widespread participation and communication among people from all walks of life, the What Would You Miss? Facebook page and an Instagram Account provide platforms for anyone to submit an answer or read through the very personal responses that others have posted.  As part of the initiative, AnnMarie urges those in crisis, or those who just need someone to listen, to text the word “TALK” to 741741, the Crisis Text Line, where trained crisis care professional will respond immediately. The Evolution of a big idea about small moments AnnMarie,the founder of Stupid Dumb Breast Cancer who has also built a reputation for relentless advocacy in the mental health space, has struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts since she was a teenager. Known for being outspoken and irrepressible,with strong opinions and an edgy sense of humor, AnnMarie comes from atight-knit family with deep roots in Central New York. “When I tell people thatI have depression, that I have tried to kill myself more than once, they are shocked,” she says.  “They point to my family and friends, to all the good things in my life, and say, ‘Look at everything you have! Look at all the people who care about you!’ What they don’t realize is that I feel unworthy of those good parts my life. Especially when I’m in that dark place, I truly believe that the world would be better off without me.” Through lots of therapy, the right medication, and no small amount of faith in the assurances of those around her, AnnMarie has over time learned to believe tentatively in her own worthiness, but she worries that others in the grips of this mental illness will not get the message in time.  One day recently,after someone suggested that she consider how much she would be missed,AnnMarie turned the lens on herself and started thinking about what she would miss, or miss out on, if she were gone.  “I made it very specific,” sherecalls.  “I would miss singing at the top of my lungs as I drove in the car. I would miss telling my friends cheesy jokes at our monthly Bunco Game.”  Then she took the idea a step further. “I asked myself what the people in my life might miss about me in my absence. And when I brought it down to the particulars—my oldest son wouldn’t be able to call home and tell mom about his latest cross-country wins; my family’s traditional Sunday dinner would be permanently cancelled—my perception changed completely. It hit me at avery deep level that my impact on the lives of the people around me is both positive and very real. I want to give others that same sense of worth, and with it, hope.” AnnMarie immediately started reaching out to others about her revelation. She asked people who had lost children, siblings, or friends to suicide what they missed about their loved one. She asked people still struggling to hold on and others with loved ones who were struggling, “What would you miss?” if they were gone.The feedback was overwhelming. “People jump at the opportunity to speak what’s in their hearts, and to be heard by the person who desperately needs some hope to cling to. These insights open the door to a bigger discussion, the kind of dialog that could help change a mindset and save a life.” Inspired by the response, AnnMarie has established What Would You Miss? so that people impacted by depression and suicide can speak their truths around a mental health epidemic and a leading cause of unnecessary death in the United States.

Just talk

I will be honest I never thought I would share my mental health on social media. NEVER. The more I listen to so many who can not talk about those dark days, the more I realize that I need to. Look let’s face it I am a walking trigger for many but the truth is triggers should set us free not hold us back. It will not happen if we do not talk. How the fuck do we do that? This is dark and scary, no one wants to touch that. I do want to just talk  along with a small army of those who want a change.

A few months ago my buddy Gabe came to town in is Herbie the Love Bug to help drive out suicide. We drove around my hometown and chatted-even kid #4 hopped in. I remember asking him what do you think we can do to prevent suicide, his response was real and typical of him. “To talk and know not everyone is happy.'' While it is very hard to listen to your child speak frankly of something you struggle with I know that I will do all I can to keep this a safe space for him and his brothers to come to. Gabe and I talked about postpartum depression, cancer and depression, trauma and depression and we laughed a lot. Laughing and suicide who can they go together? Well see they do cause that is my story, I do not know maybe it relates to you as well. But we just talked.

I first realized I was depressed when I was about 10 years old. I dreamed of dying thought about how and how it would play out. But death surrounded my in a tragic way so bringing it up seemed impossible. As I grew up I found ways to self destruct whether it was self harm, drugs or hanging out with the wrong crowd, I was searching for ways to implode. I had 3 friends die before I was 19, I mean close friends and their death seemed so appealing to me. I tried a few times before I was 18 to kill myself but no one seemed to want to discuss it. I needed to JUST TALK!

I worked really hard at masking my depression. It was easy I am loud, mildly obnoxious and the “life of the party” so no one suspected I was looking over the edge and wanting to fall. I had a few years of pushing through and living but the darkness was real and I was starting to not see light. After kid #4 I began my fall. I know I have talked a little about this but for the newbies this is a recap. I lost an unhealthy amount of weight but got the “oh my god you look so good” yet I hated how I looked and hated myself. I was criticizing my parenting, friendships and anything in the middle-beating up hard on myself was something I have perfected. I was not good enough. And that was a heavy feeling, I finally could not bear the weight. I remember the therapist looking at me saying “are you in danger of hurting yourself”.  All I could say was “yes”. It was time to be hospitalized and just talk.

I am not going to go into my story more because I want to talk about what we can do just wanted to show I am no stranger here. And what the hell is that we can do? We have to talk. The fact is talking about suicide does not make that person want to. My god it makes us release all those thoughts we are having. Validates that this shit is ok to talk about.  If we can get someone with suicidal thoughts to talk for 10 minutes we can sometimes get them through that day. We need to be able to discuss self harm and understand why. Self-harm is not an attempt to commit suicide, it is a coping mechanism for stress, distraction, self-punishment or expressing feelings but can lead to suicidal thoughts quickly. Those who self-harm cannot simply stop. It is a release they believe they need. Self-harm is easy to hide which makes identifying it hard. It is not just cutting- burning, hitting and Eating Disorders all are part. Finding an alternative is key. Rubber band around your wrist to snap, holding ice until it hurts, drawing on yourself or intense exercise are great solutions.  Self-harm is sometimes about feeling the emotional pain. We need to remember not all pain should be felt physically. This is an uncomfortable conversation but very important. Just talk.

We often find ourselves not being able to really know what to say. It is scary and real we fear losing that loved one and this makes us unsure what to say.

Things to say to someone struggling. 

🌸 You are not a burden

🌸 I can give you space 

🌸 You are doing ok

🌸 Take as long as you need 

🌸 It’s not your fault

🌸 I love you 

🌸 Celebrate even small victories 

🌸 Lean on me 

🌸 How about a stay in night?

🌸 You are enough 

🌸 You matter 

Know the facts and do not play into the society. We are still in the world that has those with a mental illness playing the villain. Those living with a mental illness are being blamed for violent acts and so much more, this only perpetuates the stigma.  It is time to know the facts! Most people with mental illness are not violent and only 3%–5% of violent acts can be linked. People with severe mental illnesses are over 10 times more likely to be victims of violent crime than the general population! 1 in 5 American adults experienced a mental health issue. 1 in 10 young people experienced a period of major depression. 1 in 25 Americans lived with a serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression. These are just cases with those diagnosed, so many can not get a doctor to see them or have no insurance or good forbid we viewed mental health the same as physical. We need to just talk!

We want a change right? We want to decrease the suicide rate for sure. We can not get there any other way then talking. Open the door and have that conversation. I am talking about doing this any time especially when you do not even think there is something going on. We can not get to where we need without talking about hard subjects when we feel ok. Practicing some important tools when we feel good makes them easier to use when we are struggling. I wear a semicolon tattoo not just because I want to remind myself my story is not over but because I want others to see they are not alone. I have seen others with the tattoo and I simply show them mine. Sometimes that brings a great conversation or it validates their story and mine. It is my way of just talking. We this desperately to reach out to that friend that you think maybe suffering or that friend that just seems to be ok or better yet do this for YOU! You matter! Asking for help is not a sign of weakness it shows humility and courage to take care of yourself.  Let’s talk together, let’s break that stigma!

I live with depression

It is ok to be sad. It is normal. We become sad for so many reasons. Sadness can be overcome, it is just a passing emotion. It is temporary. Depression is long term, it is both physically and mentally painful but you can not describe the pain. It lasts. Depression is a mental illness. Do not argue with me it is a fact. You can not let depression just pass like sadness and fade away. Some medications give us depression too which is a whole other element. Depression is real and effects so many that hide it or even can not admit.

I live with depression.  

I describe my depression as being in a dark hole. I know that there are people trying to help me I see them but in my depression they are just kicking the dirt and burying me more. I can not see any light because my world went black. I am exhausted but can not sleep. I am irritable but playing happy all at once. I feel guilty for no real reason and like I have failed so many. I have thought about my death and how everyone would react. And it sometimes does not phase me other times brings me to tears.

I have been hospitalized for my depression. It was the worst time of my life but it saved me all at once. I have a failed suicide attempt that I shoved under the carpet because of the stigma. I am not embarrassed any more. After talking to my son about it I realized hiding it was only hurting us and me.  I am a constant risk factor. Trauma, so much trauma. Cancer diagnosis. MS diagnosis. Drug abuse. Medication adjustment. All play a heavy part in my depression. Yes I still hide because “I am strong”, “I can it” it is all too much.

Strength looks different on so many but how we view it for ourselves is a game changer. I hide behind my strength. It is easy to be strong for that friend or happy for that family member. It is hard  to say “I can not today”. The pressure comes when people expect strength. When what you are really craving is “It is not your fault”, “Do you need space?”, “How is your mental health?”. But what you get is “You can handle anything”. Bull shit some days I want to go back to that hole and find my release.

Some days I want to be done. Others I celebrate the small victories. And some days are ok. It is ok to be just ok. Striving for happiness is a thing of the past. I strive for content. Some days I am on edge and anything will set me off. Some days I need a random call from a friend to save me.

A safety plan is always in place for me. Who do I call, what should I be doing, how do I get out of the hole. I am not writing this because I am in the dark hole but because I stand on the edge daily. Yes I know my family, my friends my life are all things I should remember but when you are on that edge and the pain is real your mind tells you how they will be ok without you.

We do not know who is depressed or who is struggling in life. That is why we must talk. We must open up. We have to grab those hands and pull each other up. It is vital to all existing in this world. Stop hiding behind the stigma and being embarrassed of this. I am not and I will stand with you. Discussing depression or suicide will not increase any thoughts or actions, it will only show you care and we are not alone.

Some days my tiara is not adjusted. Some times my tiara needs a friend to help me straighten it. I know who those friends are and I thank them for saving me.

Growing Stronger Together

Whenever I hear a group of advocates says “I found my tribe” I smile cause that is the best feeling. Then I think who the hell is my tribe? I have so many breast cancer connections that I often find comfort there. But is that my tribe? That feeling of “oh my gwad they truly understand”. Sure they are my breasties that I would be lost without that is factual. See, I was always the one that had such an array of friends I did not know which group was really mine. Yeah I hung with the jocks thanks to my BFF Alissa, hung with the stoners thanks to my HS boyfriend and the preppy crew, and even hung with the smarties. I never had a tribe I just had people. The same thing happened in my adult pre-stupid dumb breast cancer life, I love to just have an enormous group of peeps around me. Then I was diagnosed with cancer….dun dun dun. I realized fast who would be there, who would cheer me on and who would leave. Honestly, at the time, I was pissed but now I get it and it actually helped me. My large circle got smaller and I needed that.

As an advocate, you look for those who understand your mission, believe in the cause and want change. So clearly I could find some in the breast cancer community. Like all other advocacy, the BC people divide up by type, stage, and even gender. Fran,kly, it was confusing to me I am a team player and if I wanted in on the Triple Neg awareness why the hell not? But nonetheless there is a divide but I still found my people there.   We waant real education, real change, and reality checks. I love that!

Then one year my very dear friend Jen from Booby and the Beast told me to apply for HealthEvoices. What the hell is that? I have been to YSC and LBBC aren’t I supposed to stay with my people? But I thought “shit sure I will apply”. I had no idea what to expect none. But Jen was going to be there and I got to meet Uzma, Brandy and Claudia so win win. That year I arrived and meet Marisa striaght away and it was really amazing to connect with her because she was doing such great things in Lupus but I do not have that so I thought no big deal so far. I also forgot to pack underwear but that is a different blog post I suppose.  Bonus was I found fast was that the Janssen and the Tonic team put so much heart into  conference it is impossible to not feel the love they are spilling for us. They care which really made a difference to me. I never once felt anything other than that.

Opening ceremonies I sat in the front with Marissa , I was so eager to hear Jen speak! I was quickly immersed into  the stories being told from the HIV, IBD and many other communities. I remember thinking “WOW there is advocacy all over” And then Chrisa got on stage and she started to speak. She talked about her son who is schizophrenic and what it was like raising him and being his caretaker. She said something that I’ll never ever forget.“Why is it OK and acceptable to give our child chemotherapy if they’re going through cancer. But if a child has a mental illness we all gravel and are shocked when we want to give them medicine“. I sat there sobbing not because of her son but because at that time my son was going through his own mental health issues and we were debating whether to put him on medication. And I thought “she gets me she understands what I’m going through”. We’ve been friends ever since and she added me to an amazing Facebook group. What a connection that was?

Then I applied the following year I thought shoot I had such a great time I would try again. I did not think I would be accepted but I was and I was so freaking happy. I was also there with Wisdo doing videos so it was double fun. And double the amount out of work- I was wearing about three different hats that year. So that was the year that I was told that I had MS. Truth is I  hadn’t really told many people I guess mostly because I didn’t want to admit it -stupid dumb MS. Then I met this guy Dave and he was so full of life, so vibrant and freaking hilarious. He was also in a wheelchair advocating for MS and I was in awe. I thought holy pins and needles I am going to get through this shit show. So I went up to him and I said “hi my name is Annmarie usually blog for breast cancer. But I want you know that I have a MS”  He said something on the lines of “well that sucks”. I thought this is my guy I love this dude. And we been friends ever since. Together we grow!

So it brings me to this year in this very long post that you probably haven’t even gotten to the end of them are wondering why she wrote it so long. I couldn’t have been more thrilled to go and  the anticipation was already leading up to it. Everybody was messaging each other and we couldn’t wait to be around one another. The year before I connected with Michelle  mostly because she sat next to me during open mic night and crack jokes. She has an extremely inappropriate sense of humor which of course I gravitated towards. So I couldn’t wait to see her. The cancer community is not just BC which is pretty freaking awesome too because I may have never met my little brother Kyle who runs Check 15. See I was supposed to go to the Cancer Summit and I ended up in the mental health summit which was fine but it made me think. I watched the Twitter feed and the Instagram feed and saw all the pictures of the different groups together -the RA, diabetes and IBD and many many. I sort of suck for not naming all the advocates, so do not be an ass check the link to HEV and read some! 

And I had a revelation. Honestly it brought me to tears. I don’t have RA and I don’t have diabetes I don’t have a lBD and I’m not HIV positive. I am a hot ass mess yes but with MS and breast cancer and a whole lot of mental health. But the truth is I am a part of all those groups even the ones of illnesses I don’t have. This is my tribe. It brought me to tears and I don’t cry easily so you know I had to be serious. Being a part of healthy voices and what Janseen has created is unbelievable to me and I am so thankful to them, they care I swear they do. I miss them come Monday when the conference is over, I worry that they are ok. I miss our selfie‘s and our laughs. And our extremely inappropriate humor sense of humor. Gabe Howard my have seen that I do not have nipples it was educational even though it possibly made a few uncomfortable...ummmm the other  Gabe. Doesn’t matter that we don’t all share the same illness or nipples or testicles. what matters is that were advocating for a change and for people to understand us. I have to say that I’m sick of preaching to the breast cancer choir they’ve heard it they know it and they’ve lived it. It’s time to preach outside my circle they have them understand what I’m going through. At a conference like this I can connect with advocates for each other but I walked away with new friends I walked away with people that I consider my family. I walked away knowing that these people advocate not just for me but with me. Knowing that if I looked like I wa sin pain at 1am they check, Rachel. 

 Alycia Bridges I really do look up to you

When you ask me who is my tribe is this is them! They are eclectic, they are amazing and they are empowering. They are there is you have a PTSD break down if you have and sister with cancer, if you need to talk about sex or lack of and most of all you do not have to pretend with them or share a late night pizza.  It has been an amazing few years with this group of misfits and I have been honored to be a part. And they like me they really like me!!! The bonus NONE  of them will take my tiara well maybe Robert.

Together We Thrive

I sat here and thought and thought about my blog post for HealthEVoices17 which direction to take it in. I could go on and on about everything I learned in the sessions which was a lot. I could discuss how much powerful content Wisdo got by videotaping so many incredible advocates. Or maybe I should write about Janssen and how not only did they pay our expenses but they ate with us, they laughed with us, they cried but they listened to our stories. I am talking really listened, they heard our stories from their heart. I could have also written about The Tonic team and how they made it their mission to make sure we had everything our aching bodies needed. I for sure could have discussed the Impact Fund! WOW just WOW! Maybe I could write about how I stand on things I have not done that in a long time??? HMMMMM......

Then in our closed group a blog post popped up. My new health care advocate friend Michelle wrote a blog about what fucked up shit people say to schizophrenics and one of the comments hit me.

http://www.schizophrenic.nyc/dumb-fcking-sht-people-said-btw-im-schizophrenic/

And truth be told it is pretty much with many health issues. The diabetes community feels it when they eat. The RA peeps feel it when they can not move and people judge them for not moving enough. The mental illness gets wacked left and right with it for so many reasons. The HIV community lives with it and the struggle is hard. When will it end? When will people stop being judged for what others can not see or understand?

Which brings me to HealthEVoices17 and why this conference is vital to me opposed to all the others I attend. Why I care so deeply for this one. The theme of the conference was “Together we Thrive”, so true. See it did not matter to anyone at that conference if they had RA, IBD, MS, cancer, HIV, bipolar or anything in the middle. There was no judgment at all. No one carried that if you could not make it to drinks or open mic night, it did not matter if you needed a nap or more time in the relaxation room. All we cared about was that everyone was “healthy”. The concern was about self-care for the other, not selfishness. We get each other, we get the looks of mental pain, the unseen aches, the wobble or the staring off. We get the angst that others do not and want to make a difference in each other's life. We get what it is like to live with our conditions no judgment and we are still friends.

Things I am pretty proud of in the SDBC world

Together we thrive is really meaningful to me. No I do not have diabetes/RA/IMB/HIV but maybe if I share a blog post written by one of my HealthEVoices17 friends on SDBC someone there may connect with them. That is thriving!!! I could not do it without my friends living with that condition. You get what I am saying?? We need to stick together, we need to stop just sharing our story to our select community and branch it out. HealthEvoices connects us in a way we would never have a chance to. I wore many hats during HealthEVoices sometimes it was in the Wisdo video booth collecting stories which were so amazing that I was lucky enough to really listen to so may of my friend's lives. Or maybe I was connecting with someone with cancer who needed to feel they are not alone. There was the time I sat with the MS community learning about new drugs that are hopeful to me. But what still brings me to tears was after dinner one night we were in the bar area talking. A Janssen rep was hanging with us. Someone was telling a very intense story it wasn't pretty or happy but it was real or raw. Her hand was on his arm and she was hearing every word he said. Her eyes locked and he told his story. I know of no other conference where the rep will do that and do it with kindness. What a way to thrive! 

It's a Cancer Thing You Wouldn't Understand

I pulled a hangnail last week my finger and hand swelled. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I cried when my online friends Jill and Carollynn died and there was nothing I could do. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I hate looking at myself in the mirror between the scars and chest I do not recognise me I can not look.  It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

My body has changed so much I hardly can wrap my head around this rapid change nor do I want to. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I have scans and blood work coming up and it makes me crazy with worry. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I do not sleep at all even with medication. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I am pissed off that everyday about 128 die from metastatic disease and the world just sits and watches. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I can not fly or exercise without wearing a sleeve otherwise my arm swells. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

Sex?? BLAHAHAHAAHAH what was that again? It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

My veins are shot getting blood drawn is painful. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

Lymphedema in one arm cording in another. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

My family worries about me so much I am sick of hurting them this way. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I feel guilty I am alive. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I forget what I was going to say. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I am sick of hearing "because of your history we have to rule out cancer". It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

My boys have  cancer on their medical history and it makes me sick. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I have more doctors than I ever thought possible. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

PSTD is real and I have it! It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I have pain yet numbness in all my surgery sites daily yet you can not see my pain. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I am scared of what radiation, scans and injections have done to my body. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

I feel like I am 90. It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand.

Maybe you are reading this and you do understand because you had cancer. I am sure you can add many more to my little list. But if you are reading this with no cancer in your life first great I am so happy for you. Second, wake the fuck up! Cancer is not tied in a neat package, cancer does not end, cancer can kill. This is not about whether you can handle the truth or that you do not know how to deal with all this. It is about you understanding that this does not end with a simple surgery or with chemo or radiation. Surviving is an overrated term, we are living through this DX. Some are dying with it. It is time to bring these topics to the front page and stop hiding behind ads of cancer prevention bull shit. We are preventing shit we need to make ourselves strong machines so that we can attack our DX the best way possible.

Understand just because you have "moved on" from cancer the person dealing with it has not. Respect them for their sometimes unseen pain.  This is not a boob job do not make this sexy because sexy is not relevant. Respect the fear of recurrence do not tell us it can not come back, we know different. Honor our friends who have died do not tell us they lost their battle, they did not lose anything. Know that we are scared and have every right to be, stop telling us it will be ok. I know this is hard for some but say nothing just a hug. Keep your hands off my tiara I will smack you. Do something bigger than baked ziti. Rides, babysitting, laugh with me or donate to research not walks. We can make a change if we just put our voices together to be louder and stronger for all to hear. 

It's a cancer thing you wouldn't understand, but you could!

Don't look back.....

It’s funny how sometimes I think we have to look back just a little to see how far we have really come. Seeing what we have accomplished is just what some of us need to give us the push to get through this next phase. As we approach the New Year, we fill it with resolutions, goals and all sorts of achievements that we want to reach. But the reality is our body has changed so drastically, so how the hell can we do half of what we want? When I think about where I was in January 2014, I am amazed at where I am right now. I am talking mentally--screw the weight crap. That is one of the things we forget: mental health. 

For 2015, we need to focus on our mental health! Breast cancer changes our physical body so much that it alters our self esteem, our confidence, our sex drive and ultimately our mental being. This has to be the first place where make the change in 2015. If we can regain a little of our self worth back, just think of all that will follow! It is time to accept, respect and honor what we hide under those damn clothes, understanding the marks cancer left and getting a grasp on the person we have become in spite of them.

But how, when cancer brings a load of pain, death and suffering? I have no idea but what I do know is that if I do not find a way to reclaim my mental being in 2015, part of me loses to cancer and that I can not handle. 2015, is about healing: finding that garden, planting and blooming wherever you grow. Digging deep and finding that mental health is the key to physical recovering. Here is a great thing, I am not gardener at all. I need help weeding, pruning, watering and getting the right sun. Finding someone to help me is how I will get my mental health on in 2015, and chances are, they need it too! What a beautiful garden we will have!

So I say ‘bring on 2015.’ I look forward to this year unlike many others in spite of my health issues, in spite of the challenges I face because I know that I have so many people who will help me as I am helping them bloom! Perfect attitude as I go for my mastectomy tattoo this January, which will be--you guessed it flowers! And yes I will be wearing my tiara!

- See more at: http://www.curediva.com/blog/blog-homepage/dont-look-back/#sthash.VXgoBFHm.dpuf